From the very beginning, marriage is destined to make both parties feel shortchanged. Men enter marriage with the expectation of “I have to shoulder the responsibility of this family,” while women enter with the fantasy of “You should cherish and appreciate what I’m giving.” In reality, the man finds himself suffocated by the weight of responsibility, and the woman realizes her efforts are taken for granted, like background noise. Each person feels so wronged on their own side that they want to cry, while the other only sees what you haven’t done. The man thinks, “I’m already exhausted, and you’re still not satisfied?” The woman thinks, “I’ve given my whole life, and you still think I’m being dramatic?” Neither wants to be the bad guy, yet both end up feeling cheated by life.

The most insidious part of marriage isn’t the daily grind, but the notion of “taking things for granted.” It’s taken for granted that men earn money, and women raise the kids. Whoever works hard, it’s considered standard. Whoever feels sad, they bear it alone. Love adds points before marriage, but after marriage, it resets to zero. Before marriage, a little effort earns a word of gratitude. After marriage, ten times the effort only gets “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?” All the sweetness fades away, the bitterness intensifies, and all that you give feels like it’s poured into a black hole, never to return.

So in marriage, no one owes anyone else; both sides just feel like they’re the one who’s more tired, more tolerant, more burdened. The man thinks, “I’m carrying the whole family,” while the woman thinks, “I’m carrying the whole world.” Both feel like they’re fighting life alone, mistakenly assuming the other has it easy. The sense of being shortchanged in marriage is never manufactured by your partner, but squeezed out by life itself—because everyone stands inside their own wounds, believing the other isn’t trying hard enough.