Recently, I've completely lost my mind, and I just feel off.

After losing money, I don't want to talk to anyone. I've had my phone number for nearly 16 years, and a couple of years ago, I could still chat with friends when they called. Now? It's either advertising promotions or debt collectors - I simply choose to disappear.

My schedule has completely fallen apart. I spend all day staring at the market, barely able to sleep for a bit despite being so tired that my eyelids are heavy, but even when I do fall asleep, my mind is filled with candlestick charts and positions. I often dream about liquidation and wake up frightened, my heart racing, unable to breathe from anxiety.

I feel like I don't recognize myself anymore. Two months ago, when I just entered the market with 30U, I was happy to make 10 bucks a day; when my principal rose to 500, I thought a target of 30 was enough; when it reached 1000, I felt satisfied with 50. And now? All I'm thinking about every day is doubling it. I feel uncomfortable if I don't go all-in, and it's even more torturous when I do.

Seeing those trading bloggers share their results, doubling their profits in a day and making dozens of times in a month, it's hard not to feel envious. But I have to admit, I just can't handle heavy positions—although I've had moments of shining glory with 10x and 30x in a day, when I do the math, I still end up losing more with heavy positions.

I really can't hold on anymore. Even if I occasionally manage to do it, I can't maintain the profits at all. Now, every time I see the market, I feel annoyed and don't want to do anything. I need to stop, reorganize my plan, and regain that initial mindset.

I won't touch the contracts tonight. First, I'll overturn the strategy and start over. Tomorrow, I'll turn off the copy trading function and start again with a small capital. It will get better, right?